my thoughts in the morning

I don't know what am I doin n i don't know what should I do..
Sometimes, I dun even know the thing im doin isit reali correct..
sometimes, i feel that evrything around me is not what i expect or what i want them to be..
Im afraid that the thing im doin is a waste of time..
sometimes, i feel so unhappy but i couldn't tell anyone..
sometimes, i thought myself will never care what people think of me, but actually i really duno dat i will care so much..
Going to college should be happy rite? But why am I still not happy although it's ardy a week or more la..
I see others all so happie.. But so sad, I am not..maybe i need more time?
The feeling now is, im surrounded by alot of smart kids.. n when ppl ans quest, n i duno the ans.. I feel very STUPID.. n yes, i scare ppl laugh at me... but too bad i cnt laugh with them..
as in ns, if i do sum silly thing, i can accept ppl laughin at me, n evry1 will laugh 2gthr.. n after laughin 2gthr, they will cum n say, ehh, nvm la.. is ok la...
so different right..

I thought I will be okie n happy staying in hostel.. since im away frm home for about 3 mths.. n the 3 mths is worse ma, cannot even go back evry week plus it's further..
But somehow, I feel staying in NS camp is better than hostel although they don't even have 10% of the facilities here in INTI..
Im enjoying thr lk crazy.. But i dono y, the same thing just couldn't happen here..
Maybe the environment is different..
I dun have to think about anything overthr.. all i hv to do is just sleeeeeeeeeeeep, eaaaaaatttttttttt, playyyyyyyyyyy, talkkkkkkkkkkk, laughhhhhhhhhhhhhh, run around, that's it..
But huhu.. in here?.. i cannot talk lk how i want, laugh like i usually does, sleep lk pig, eat whenever i wan, play whatever i like.. Because, I CARE how ppl think of me!!!...
Life is all about changes.. this sentence is so correct..
Everything will change, n wat the Buddha says is true: nothing is permanent.
including permanent marker...
You thought u can 43ver be studyin with ur secondary sch frens.. huhu.. that wont happen la..

All i want now is to be a simple person.. Happy go lucky like what i did in ns...
i wana have A "whatever la, i dun care la" mind.. But you know what? i cannot do it..
If i can, i wana be a smart kid.. Not like genius la, but at least abit of smart.. n yes, in order to be a smart kid, u hv to study.. n now im going to study.. even if the quiz or whatever assignment only cos for 2%, i wana try my best to get it too.. I dun care if people say me kiasu la.. As long as i noe im not, n i noe my limit..
WHATEVER LA, I DUN CARE LA..

out of sudden, don't know from what thoughts, I miss my mummy..

MUMMY, I MISS YOU..

I LOVE YOU..