My breastfeeding journey

Ever since I got pregnant, I was really determined to breastfeed my baby. I believe every mom wants the best for their babies. However, I only had very minimal information about breastfeeding.What i heard about was mostly the advantage of offering breast milk to the baby and not the way to breastfeed the baby as I think way to breastfeed is quite important so that when baby arrive, we will be less kelam kabut :')

Fortunately my breastfeeding journey was a pretty smooth one. I only encountered clogged duct for once and it was a minor one. Some mommies, even went thru mastitis, very bad engorgement and etc which I think it is very painful.

My milk supply was moderate and just enough for my baby. She is exclusively breastfeed since day 2 of life.The first night was terrible cos my supply was so low and she can hardly get milk even though I latch her for hours. She was crying so badly for milk and I was so guilty for not able to provide her milk. I don't even have a back up formula milk for her cos I was so confident that I can provide her milk but I was wrong. What a bad mom am I. Perhaps, it is also because that I don't have any formula milk that makes me even eager to provide her breast milk and thus the positive mindset to breastfeed. 90% of Mindset and 10% of technique give you a successful breastfeeding journey. This is what the nurse told me.

I started to pump during week 3 and bottle feed her as taught by the nurse. I pumped every 3-4 hours with only 5oz both sides. I did not invest on medela, but instead I bought a hospital grade Spectra which serve me quite well and the price is 3 times lower. But anyhow, my baby stop bottle feed when she was 2 months old. It was because I gave her frozen milk once and that's it. She doesn't want to bottle feed anymore. Cos frozen milk tend to have a strong metallic smell, and my baby just want "fresh from the oven milk". Well, so I just let her latch and pump after every feed to store.

My milk during her fullmoon. 

     

This was the amount i got after eating cod fish. It is a very expensive milk booster.

Overall, I'm a just enough supply mum which I feel really grateful. She is now 19 months old and will surely get milk whenever she wants. I tried pump but there is no milk, but that doesn't mean I have no milk. So, never give up when u don't get any from the pump. The best pump is still your baby. :)

This is my storage as of 31/10/2017. I stop storing when bb is 6 months.
Even you have milk to store, but bb don't drink, is pointless. So, just enough mom is good enough.

Talking bout milk booster, only few times i see the effect which is after eating cheese cake and cod fish. But it only works a few times. Now, even if i eat how much cod fish, milk is not gonna increase anymore.
Maybe because it had self regulated the amount of milk your baby needs.
In my opinion, direct latch mom doesn't need milk booster. You surely have milk whenever your little one latch. Whereas, exclusively pumping mom might need it, cos if we don't get milk when pumping, and baby not gonna suck, it is a big headache.

Now, my little one eats her main meal and breastfeeding is twice a day. So, my milk supply drop tremendously. I'm gonna let it be and slowly wean her off. This breastfeeding thing is very tiring, no joke. But the benefits your baby gets is really worth it. I usually do not feed my little one medicine if she has cough or flu (without fever). I will breastfeed her and it will recover by herself. One thing i felt very amazing with breastfeeding is that when people in the house all fall sick, she is the only little one who does not. All in all, I'm very happy to been able to successfully bf my firstborn for this long.
Sometimes, I wonder where all this determination come from.

On the other hand, I would like to say, don't bother how much of milk you can supply to your baby. Just give whatever you have. No need to stress yourself when you have not enough supply. If not enough, just give formula milk. Formula milk is not poison, your baby will grow up too. Don't need to think that you are a bad mom if you don't breastfeed your bb (usually mom will think like that la).
The day you give birth to your bb, u are already a good mom/brave mom/wonderful mom!

Till then..

Love,
the author.

Natalie's Birth Story

A very major throwback post. This is Natalie's birth story. It's been 15 months, but it is still clear in my mind :)


10/4/2018, Monday.

Woke up at 6am to pee. Went to toilet again 30 mins later and felt some warm fluid flowing out. The flow is even faster whenever I move.  I went back to sleep thinking that i couldn't control my pee.

But then, my pants are all wet and so I guess It's amniotic fluid. The third time i went to the toilet, theres a bloody show and it was mucous plug according to all my readings. At that moment, I am still steady though. Somehow,  I was thinking "37weeks+3days, am I really gonna give birth today?" I wake my husband up of course, and I went for a shower,  and the amniotic fluid just keep leaking whenever I move.

I was quite excited  at first cuz I knew I might be seeing my baby real soon. But at the same time I was very worry and scare about the labour process.
"how long will my labour be"
"how's epidural gonna be like" (thinking on getting epidural before coz I cant bear much pain)
"How painful will it be"
These are the questions that keep popping up

I tried my best not to think, and continue my shower. Contraction haven't kick in yet. I get my delivery bag and collection kit and went downstairs. Both parent in law were waiting downstair to send me to the hospital. I ate two piece of bread and a cup of milo. That's it.

This is taken during mild contraction,which i still bearable, our last picture before becoming a family of 3 :)

We reach the hospital around 9.30am. The guard say gonna bring a wheelchair but I said it's okay, I can just walk myself and take the lift up to the delivery suite.
So, i went in to the delivery suite and the nurse was surprise to see me come so soon. (yeah, coz my fil drove very fast to the hospital :P)
The nurse then gave me the delivery gown and checked me (not comfortable). I was 3cm dilated.  She ask me whether do I want any epidural. If yes, it will be administer right away, cos after 6cm dilation, they don't administer. But at that time, i have no contraction pain yet, so I just told her "tak payah la nurse". (Gosh, did i just said no need?!)
My husband was shocked but he did not say anything cos he thinks that it is my choice even though he already get prepared that I will take the epidural cos I was very afraid of pain. Even draw blood also I'm scare.

They attached the ctg machine on me to check baby's heartbeat. Everything was fine, baby's heartbeat is strong. Doc came, and said will deliver by today. After that, they administer the drip for me and draw some blood sample. Damn scare of the needle though.
After settle then was ask to just lay down there to rest and wait.

Around 11.30am, I started to have some mild contraction which is not that regular. The contraction was like stomache, food poisoning kind of stomach discomfort combine with period pain. The pain was on and off, and also getting more and more painful as time passes. Around 1/2 hour later, the nurse came and check me again, I was around 5cm dilated. The contraction becomes even more intense and also more regular. I do not know how many minutes apart, I only know that I barely had time to relax. The contraction is like non-stop. By then, the pain was what I mentioned above but 10 times of it. Oh my god, and my husband was whispering beside me saying that I can do it, add oil. bla bla. I just feel like smacking him though. LOLz!

I was shouting and crying in pain as well, but the nurse told me not to, just save the energy in order to push the baby later. But I can't! I tried my breathing techniques taught by my prenatal yoga instructor. It did help a little. (Maybe it's psychological effect? I don't know)
I was in so much pain and the nurse came and give me a mask to breathe in which I believe it was laughing gas. (No, i did not laugh after breathing in the gas)
The nurse told my husband to give me that mask if I can't bare the pain. So, whenever contraction strikes in, he pass the mask to me. But until one point, where my contraction does not stop striking me, I just snatch that mask from him and keep breathing it non stop as though it is my oxygen tank. But by right, it shouldn't be used it that way as I will faint and might not able to push the baby out.

Luckily, the nurse came in and check on me and saw me keep breathing using that mask thingy and immediately take it away from me. She then tells my husband that do not let me hold the mask. He hold it and give me when I need. At that time, i think I'm half fainted, feeling very sleepy cos of the gas and also shiver a little. The nurse kept calling me and wet my face to wake me up. She ask me not to sleep. I tried my best to stay awake, and also keep telling myself if my mom can deliver me naturally, I can do it too. I was so tired and my mouth is so dry, cos keep taking big breath for the pass hour. The pain then continues, there is no break time, all the way painnnnn painnn painn till I scream/shout, cry. I stop grabbing my husband hand. and bang the hospital bed with the mask as hard as I could.

At around 1.45pm, i feel that I need to push. I feel there is something coming out down there. But all the nurses, were next door cos another mom is also about to deliver her baby. I told my husband, I cannot already, I want push dy. I heard the nurses shouted wait for awhile "kejap kejap, nanti u tak tau push" I don't even care and not long after the nurse came in and check, I was fully dilated. The nurse called my gynae, and immediately he arrived and guide me to push already. I forgot how many push in total, but in less than 30 minutes, my baby girl make her entrance to the world, and it also marks the beginning of parenthood for us :)

I was still blur at the moment until doctor told me is a baby girl and I keep ask my husband why she din cry? and immediately I heard her first cry. Then, we were given skin to skin contact. She lay on me, and that was our very first hug. I kissed her and I feel like crying the moment I hold her in my arms. She is such a sweetie. She even know her way to latch without any guide. I feel it is amazing! I just carried her and let her latch while the doctor was stitching. Maybe I was to distract by my daughter and I almost can't feel anything going on down there.
I touches her little ear, her little hand, little feet, smell her head. I was beyond words at that moment.

After almost an hour of skin to skin contact, baby was brought to the nursery. Nurse then clean me up and wheeled me to the ward :)

Her first cry. All the pain I had gone thru are all worth it  :')

Our first family photo :)

So, this is Natalie's birth story. I am glad she loves me so much that she try to come out as soon as she could. I consider myself as a lucky mommy. If you asked me how is child birth? I would tell you yes, It is obviously really painful BUT it is all worthwhile the moment you held your baby for the first time :)  I was really afraid of pain, but I guess its because of the love for my child, I am hanging on there and go through it. To all mom to be, always remember "with love, we can do everything"

Mommy loves you Natalie Lau, forever and always <3 p="">

Third Trimester

Third trimester. This is when the time where many shopping are done. Actually, I did not shop for any essential baby stuff until my cousin brought me to which is like 30 weeks of pregnancy.

I guess is a bit late la cos we should actually be packing our hospital bag by this time.
Eventually. I bought quite many stuff from baby shop. You named it, i bought it :)
As for breast pump, I bought it during baby fair in February, when I'm 32 weeks.
Ya, I was very determine that I want to breastfeed my baby. The only food I offered my baby is BREAST MILK.
I packed my hospital back around 34 weeks of pregnancy. Hey, it's consider late ya. Pls don't follow my footstep coz you will end up kelam kabut if baby decided to come early.


 Okay, so back to me and baby. When I hit 7th months of pregnancy, doctor told me that baby is growing very fast and ask me to cut down on my diet as he afraid that baby is going to be big. If such case happen, i might need to go for c-sect which I never ever wanted.
I was damn afraid that I need to go for c-sect. As a result, I went into a very strict diet which I don't even know how I did it. I did not take maternal milk, no carbo, no oily and sweet food at all and I only drink plain water. My diet is very strict and at times I don't even feel full for one whole day. I had been doing it since 7 months plus and I guess it's a little too late. Fortunately, my baby weight gain slow down. In 2 weeks, my weight drop instead of gaining. However baby is still gaining but in a slower pace. I do not know where my determination come from but all I do is just for the best for my baby.
However, doctor tell me to induce once pregnancy hits 38 weeks due to my gestational diabetes. We agreed as I want to go for natural birth.

Third trimester is basically about controlling diet. Very san fu ehh. Can see cannot eat. During CNY, i also did not drink any packet drink and I cut down on cny cookies like 95%? omg... but it is all for my baby. I can do anything because of her :)

       This is the last baby bump pic before delivering her the next day :)

Next post will be Natalie's birth story :)